An invalidating

Level 5, normalizing, would not work because most people would agree his response was reasonable and not be upset in that situation.

There is nothing to make her response more understandable in terms of her history, so Level 4 is not possible. She quit because her boss loudly criticized her in front of other people.

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This type of validation can be done by others in an awkward, sing-songy, artificial way that is truly irritating or by yourself in a criticizing way.

When done in an authentic manner, with the intent of truly understanding the experience and not judging it, accurate reflection is validating.

Remember that you may guess wrong and the person could correct you.

It's her emotion and she is the only one who knows how she feels. Level Four is Understanding the Person's Behavior in Terms of their History and Biology.

Radical genuiness is when you understand the emotion someone is feeling on a very deep level. Radical genuineness is sharing that experience as equals. Putting them into practice is often more difficult.

Practice is the key to making validation a natural part of the way you communicate. Your best friend is upset because her husband cut up her credit card. Probably Level 2 is the highest level you could use.Validation at this level would be saying, "Given what happened to you, I completely understand your not wanting to be around my dog." Self-validation would be understanding your own reactions in the context of your past experiences.Level Five is normalizing or recognizing emotional reactions that anyone would have.She says he's treating her like a child and is so controlling she doesn't have room to breathe. You could say, "I understand, you are upset because your husband cut up your credit cards without your agreement--that made you feel like he was acting like your parent." You reflect her thoughts and emotions back to her, showing that you accept those feelings as her internal experience.When you ask her what his reason was, she says that she overspent or the fourth time, running the balance over the limit by buying expensive shoes and they were unable to pay the bill. You probably couldn't use Level 6 or radical genuineness as it's unlikely you have similar experiences that you could understand her feelings on a deep level, such as having had the same experience and reaction.Self-validation is the recognition and acceptance of your own thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable. Multi-tasking while you listen to your teenager's story about his soccer game is not being present.

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